please come you make the beer taste better
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
