The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
