She's JV to your varsity
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
