I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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