I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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