It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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