Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
How's work?
Spinning.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
