she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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