how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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