Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
