Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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