i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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