New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
