conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
