eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
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