i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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