So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
