I just saw a hot homeless man
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
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