she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
