He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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