being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
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