just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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