This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
