I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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