Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
