I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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