we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Randomize
