Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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