i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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