sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Randomize
