the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
