I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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