He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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