i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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