Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
