u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
