So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
