Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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