You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
