i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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