Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
