Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
