and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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