I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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