Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
