Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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