At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
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