the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
