i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
