i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
